Thursday, November 17, 2005

Nilay days-2

“Hey Subha wait up” Subha turned around and saw abhay and raja walking towards her. She stopped and smiled at them “Watcha doing??” Raja asked her.. Abhay guffawed “look at this guy he has been in USA for just three months and his vocabulary is all changed. Raja remember the small place in India that u came from called Hyderabad” Subha laughed along with Abhay. Raja looked indignant but before he could retort Subha said “Just finished the thermo class yaar and iam heading home” “So when are u gonna invite me to your place??” Abhay asked her. Subha smiled “ you are welcome to come now “. As they were walking to subha’s offcampus apartment Raja said “ can u guys believe it three months have been passed since we joined UVA and left India” abhay quipped “ and someone already talks with amru accent” Subha giggled and Raja turned red and said “ u are irritating me abhay , I really miss home and u are poking fun at everything I say and do ..” “hey sorry yaar.. now don’t go and get senti on me ok ..i was just lightening up the situation.” Abhay said trying hard to control his laughter. Raja still looked irritated and said “ hey guys iam gonna go and see wat Nilay is up to..ok..bye” Abhay could not hide his laughter any longer and burst out laughing..subha looked puzzled and Raja looked like he is gonna have an apoplexy. he just turned and went to the computer science department without even looking back..
“so wat was that all about??” Subha asked him and Abhay who was still laughing said “Raja seems to have become Nilay’s shadow these days. that guy is basically stalking him. he is like Nilay’s GF…hehehehe…..the other day Nilay was busy so he did not come to potluck we guys had at our place.. and raja called him like 20 times on the cell to ask him where he was and that he should come. he told nilay that he will not eat dinner till nilay comes…bechara Nilay is trying so hard not to offend the guy and so he is putting up with him …dunno when that is gonna change..”
“that is so weird yaar..Even his Girl friend if he had one will not call him that much..hey janvi is also walking home I think..” “is that your roommate..” abhay asked.”yeah” well wat are u waiting for ..Introduce me to her yaar..and when u do say some really nice things about me .” Abhay said adjusting his hair.
“No matter how much nice things I say about u..one look at you and she will know what a duffer you are…..hey Janvi wait up yaar..” Subha called out.
Janvi turned around and saw Subha with a tall guy in glasses with beard and thought “ who is this devdas with her….so many desi students this year” Subha and Abhay caught up with her by then and subha introduced them “ hey J this is Abhay Mittal and he is in material science dept and this is my roommate Janvi she is in biomedical engg” “hey nice to meet you” “ Nice to meet you too janvi..that is an interesting name..so which part of India are u from..”abhay asked “ iam from banglore and you “ Abhay laughed and said “ Right now my parents are in Bombay but our native place is in UP “ “ oh I have never been to anywhere in northern part of India” janvi said ”geographically speaking Bombay or Mumbai whichever one pleases u is not in north India” abhay laughed “ well it is to for a person from banglore..”janvi quipped and smiled.”u have a very nice smile.” Abhay said “and are very smart too..” all three of them laughed and by then they had reached the apartment..” So abhay where are u staying??” “Oh i live in bedford apartments with 2 other guys..u must have met Nilay he is one of my roommates “ “ oh” janvi said “that’s nice” “so how do u like the school so far??” “It is nice and since Nilay did his bachelors also from UVA he knows a lot about this place..so in his grace we survive..” Abhay bowed dramatically. Subha giggled and janvi smiled…

17 comments:

rauf said...

wattoo ? you are running.......
Are you trying to save paper ?
squeezing too much, Its like you are stuffing your bag in a hurry
Charecters are not getting well established.
Space in between conversation please.. makes it easy to read

good writing style
good flow
I feel like it is happening right before my eyes. I get the picture.

jeenu said...

hey rauf
thanks..well i just a burst of inspirations and decided to write as much as i can here :D
will def add space inbetween the conversations :)
thanks for ur comments
cheers
jeenu

Ginkgo said...

maan...this makes my job..tuff
everyone said something nice abt it..
now I have to tow the line too..
wat shd I say Jeenu..:-)

hmm..okee wait..lemme read both the parts first..:-p

jeenu said...

well Gi
now that u are reading before commenting on the blog ..now that is something in itself..;)
iam so flattered...:D
cheers
jeenu

aria said...

Umm .. this "desi community" lingo n stuff they talk abt is interesting. Unique liberation in exile n transformation must be the "feel" of it .. I'm trying to comprehend the subject ..

Narration as usual is effortless .. but yeah as some1 said here .. its kinda jumping on .. so space would be a respite .. n just a little bit abt the background of the people should be more arresting .. I think ..

It's a good read nonetheless ..
Hope the 3rd part is comin soon then I'm gonna do 3 cheers - in your style! :D

vi said...

Jeenu
Don't tell me there is a tri-angle, with Nilay being chased by Jhanvi and Raja??? LOL!
Nice read Jeenu, and as Flower/aria said gives a feel of the place!

vi

Ginkgo said...

ah soooo itz a Gay story...

rofl...Jeenu....U rock:P

jeenu said...

hey aria and Vi
thanks for your input yaar..i will try to get more input in to the characters in the next instalment..:)
Vi
i dont know whether there is a love triangle here ..anyways lets see :)
Gi
well u figured out the crux of the story yaar..:))
cheers
jeenu

Rays Of Sun said...

I havent read the comments..but you know..if I were you and I wrote this one..I have the third part ready:)))

[will tell you on the phone, what thoughts came to my mind;)]dont want to influence your natural thought process.

Man, this is good writing..and very realistic..can identify totally:)

Cant wiat for the thid part:)

Rays Of Sun said...

oh damn, Gi said it..

Even I thought that this guy Raja was a gay who hits on Nilay. Subha likes Abhay and Abhay likes J. Poor Nilay is left guessing:)

This is my idea of the story:))

Ginkgo said...

:))

ROS...u can identify totally with the story :o

Im trying hard not to say anything:-D

jeenu said...

hey ROS
as i said iam writing somethings that really happened..i am taking a litttle bit of license here and there..but believe wat iam writing happened to a very close person of mine
well we have to wait and watch wat happens between nilay and raja..:))
hey gi
comon yaar u were quiet about anything :P
cheers
jeenu

Bhole said...

Hey Jeenu yaar wait up:)

Good story yaar :D

Nandya said...

hey jeenu
nice story :)
as others said it would be great if u could develop the charachters a little more..
cheers
nandya:D

jeenu said...

hey Bhole
will try slamming the brake now
hay nandya
thanks for the input
cheers
jeenu

rauf said...

wat wat wat wat ?
Jeenu you are pouring it all straight out of your heart
which is good in my opinion, a bit of mind is necessary too if you want to be a good writer.

Why do you write ?
You want to communicate.
You are communicating extremely well.
Your style is highly original and effortless. I love it.
You expect the reader to visualise and form a picture with your words, believe me the picture is very clear rather too clear like a photograph. Here you have a chance to be an artist. Make the photograph into a painting, splash colours, brush strokes. Make the reader feel the atmosphere. Fiction is always based on some fact, you need not stick to what really happend.

Looks like you know your priorities very well as you are making absolutely no effort to impress the reader, but it should be there somewhere down the order but not the first. Making the reader understand should be the first which you have achieved already.
Jeenu, you can always tell me to shut up.
Thanks for stepping into my place, wish I could offer some garm garm chai.

jeenu said...

hey rauf
thanks for the chai..i will def take u up on the offer :)
cheers
jeenu