This was the Graduating weekend in my school and i got to attend the first graduating ceremony in my department. the first part of the ceremony is called as walking the lawn where graduating students from different deparments in the university walk the length of the historic"lawn" as it is refered to in the university circles to much delight of their family and friends.
As the students were walking i could see so many parents who were so proud of their kids, i think today i was in the one of those places where there was no malice or discontent in any of the hearts..the entire area which was jampacked with people was redolent with love and hope.
One sight that caught my eye was that of a frail old man sitting in his wheel chair all hunched up. he was attended by one of his kin but for most part he was sitting very quietly. in my estimate he seemed to be in his late 80's. the heat and humidity of the place seemed to suck the energy right out of him but still i never once heard him complain and as the students starting walking the lawn i saw life comeback in to his eyes and he sat up straight in his chair and then suddenly he was standing up waving wildly to a blond haired boy , there was tears down cheeks but i saw the spark of life in them too. His face perhaps best reflected to me the feelings of a parent on seeing that the their future generation was well of in to the next step. After the kid passed him he slumped back in to his chair but there seemed to be some quiet contenment in him and i imagined that from come from the fact that in some little way the future is secure for his Grand kid ( i came to know that later) and in a little way he has contributed to it.
somehow the old man's face stuck with me all day and so i decided to blog about it and also dream a little about my own graduation...
Jeenu
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
A nice song
i was listening to the radio as usual today morning to go to lab and then this song came on . i have heard this song being played on the radio a lot these days but have not payed much attention to it and somehow today morning i did and the lyrics just felt so apt..so after the cribbing blog i decided to post a song that some how made me think of playing in rain.. here are the lyrics for the song
Listen to it whenever u have time junta
cheers
jeenu
Bad day
Daniel powter
Where is the moment when needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the *light just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
(Oh.. Holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
(yeah...)
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Listen to it whenever u have time junta
cheers
jeenu
Bad day
Daniel powter
Where is the moment when needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the *light just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
(Oh.. Holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
(yeah...)
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Sunday, May 14, 2006
when you have a bad day...
Let's just say if this weekend was erased out i will be happy and i cant believe iam saying that...the previous week has not gone great at all what with my budda snapping at me and basically telling me that i need to get more work done.."common budda.." i felt like screaming " i have been working my tail off for almost last 3 months i have not taken any weekend off ..worked atleast 12 hours minimum each day..and all i get from you is work hard..i might as well shift to my lab why waste money paying rent for an aparment that i mostly come and see at night." but ofcourse being me i did not scream at him..actually in that one hour tirade i hardly got more than 2 secs inbetween to say "Huh" "yes" "No" and finally when i thought i can speak he got a call and he dismissed me..i waited for 5 mins outside his room to see if he will get free but he did not and i walked off feeling very miserable..
i came to US leaving my family behind and sacrificing so many things because i knew that this is what i want to do i want to get my PhD for last 4 years my life has revolved around my work everything is adjusted to it..i have not been to india mainly because taking a month off might hinder my research..and now to hear my budda say that i need to work hard and i need much better time management just got on my nerves and not to forget the fact for last month and half i have not been able to sleep for more than hour at night ..oh i sleep alright but it is so restless that i hardly get any rest..
Anyways this weekend was something i was looking forward too and here iam sitting at my desk sunday morning actually more tired and more lost..i am just getting mad at me for feeling like this now..just cant wait for this week to start.
a very frazzled
jeenu
i came to US leaving my family behind and sacrificing so many things because i knew that this is what i want to do i want to get my PhD for last 4 years my life has revolved around my work everything is adjusted to it..i have not been to india mainly because taking a month off might hinder my research..and now to hear my budda say that i need to work hard and i need much better time management just got on my nerves and not to forget the fact for last month and half i have not been able to sleep for more than hour at night ..oh i sleep alright but it is so restless that i hardly get any rest..
Anyways this weekend was something i was looking forward too and here iam sitting at my desk sunday morning actually more tired and more lost..i am just getting mad at me for feeling like this now..just cant wait for this week to start.
a very frazzled
jeenu
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Mangalyam thantuna nena..-8
Vishali spotted shankar walking towards her and headed out to him
"hey you..how are you??" vishali tried to be cheerful. It has been almost a month since sudha had come back still shankar always looked grim these days and fact that people and students here have been gossiping about it had not helped at all..but she wanted to break him out of this gloomy mood and tried to be cheerful around him all the time.
"Hmmmm" shankar replied.
Grunts and monosyllable replies had been his response of late .vishali tried to get him to talk to her but he never opened up and when she insisted he just got angry and walked out in a huff. He was not hanging out with any of his other friends either
"atleast he has not started avoiding me yet" vishali sighed internally "what is going to make him to talk..atleast sudha was more communicative these days."
It has become a daily ritual for vishali to go to shankar's place and spend an hour with sudha after college and after the initial week she had started talking a lot to vishali..yesterday they both had even gone briefly to get some lassi and then sudha had insisted on taking a walk in the park..vishali was very excited with that but shankar on the other hand has become more quiet not talking about anything relavent..he has not been attending most of his classes too even though he had come to college regulary..she always had found him sitting alone deep in woods that borders the end of college and most of the times vishali sat there with him trying to get him to talk but he always claimed he was ok..
"iam going to canteen to get some chai..want to come" vishali asked
"ok" shankar replied
Vishali started chattering about the class and fresh year's party that she and swapna were incharge of but shankar just was not paying any attention to her and eventually vishali stopped her monologue and sat down silently in canteen with him sipping her chai.
"shankar iam worried about you" vishali started
"why..iam ok" he replied
"no you are not " something snapped in vishali " if u dont want to talk to me about it say it so but dont lie and say that everything is ok..we have known each practically all our lives i know that things are not ok..what happened was not ok and i want you to react ..."vishali realized that she was screaming and to her horror she felt tears sliding down her cheek but thankfully there were not may people in the canteen and the manager was trying his best to ignore them ..
" i love you and i cant see you like this.." she whispered
"i love you too.." shankar said breaking down " why should all this happen to sudha..why my family??"
"i dont know.." vishali said squeezing shankar's hand and tried to comfort him as he let all his anguish out...
***********************************************************************************
"oh he is so cute..thanks Vishali" sudha exclaimed as she hugged vishali
Vishali had gifted her a small pup and the smile fromr sudha was worth it..vishali felt herself reflecting the good as sudha took the pup on to her lap and started cooing to it and hearing little yaps everyone in the house came to look
"oh nai kutti (puppy)" patti exclaimed
"mine patti vishali got it for me" sudha exclaimed and giggled when the pup licked her hand
Sudha's father and shankar scooted down to take a good look at the dog and in no time every one was playing with it
"enna peru vaikaruku??(what should we name him)" shankar's mom asked excitedly
and that was met with barrage of suggestions from all the family members
"tiger" shankar said
"illai da ithu dorai veetu naai ya ( no it is not a british dog)" patti said " we will call him ganesh"
"enna ma naaiku vinayakaroda perra( what amma you are keeping god's name to dog)" shankar's appa mused "well pora vazikku punniyam( collecting good deeds when we die)" his appa roared with laughter
"i think it is sudha's dog we should let her name it" vishali said quietly...it felt the old days in this house..it has been almost 6 months since sudha had come back and it felt good to see them all happy
" well i have to think on that one" sudha said and started playing with the pup
"you are blessing for this family kannama" shankar's mom said and when vishali turned to look at her there were tears in her eyes " i never thought she will laugh like this again ..."emotions choked her voice
Vishali just hugged his mom and stood watching sudha play with the puppy..
*************************************************************************************
"i am filing for annulment Vishali" sudha replied in a sober voice
"oh..well it is long overdue but why an annulment why not a divorce..may be u can make him pay for his actions" vishali asked her a little heatedly
" i dont want any of his money..i want that part of my life not to exist . i want erase the fact that we were even married ..i feel that will make me free vishali..look at me i wasted almost an year of my life and does that even bother that guy no he is now happily living with that girl..i dont want him to spoil rest of my life because of him..i want to make my parents and my brother happy again and a person who is not happy herself can never make others happy vishali..i want to be happy again ..i feel i will be shackled as a divorcee too becos it means our marriage did not work..but there was no marriage to start with..that is why i want this annulment..
Iam going to make something out of myself do things that make me happy.." sudha said calmly
"sudha if that is what will make you happy then iam happy for you and 100% with you " vishali said squeezing her friend's hand
"i went and talked to Vasantha madam a week back..you know our principal in sankara vidhyalaya and applied for teacher's job there and today morning she called me to let me know that i have been accepted" a triumphant smile graced sudha's face and vishali beamed at her
"wow..u are gonna be a teacher..that is just great " vishali hugged her friend congratulating her
"i know it a small step but it is a start " sudha replied hugging her friend with equal vigour
*************************************************************************************
Five years in to future
Vishali smiled and sprinkled paneer at the people who were entering the temple..welcoming them for the wedding, shankar smiled at her and started walking towards her
" how are you doing..??" he asked her putting an arm around her shoulder
"let me see sudha is getting married to the guy who is love with her...your parents are happy and we have been happily married for an year..yes i would officially say iam doing great and things could not be better" vishali beamed putting her head on his shoulder
"well want to go and see my sister getting married .." shankar asked
smiling arm in arm vishali and shankar walked towards the area of wedding. sudha had met vivek about 2 years back during parents teacher's meeting. he had come as a stand in for his sister and brother in law and was smitten by sudha and rest as they say is history
"if there ever was a kodak moment" vishali thought" this is one " looking around at the proud faces of shankar's parents no my parents too she corrected herself to the happy face of sudha and vivek so much in love with each other .... shankar squeezed her hand and she squeezed his hand back and gave him a small special smile that she gave no one else ...
In a little while the pandit called for " getti melam"( drums) and as vivek started tying the mangal sutra started saying the mantra that would bind two loving souls in the holy bond of matrimony " mangalyam thanuthana nena..mama jeevana hetuna.."
"hey you..how are you??" vishali tried to be cheerful. It has been almost a month since sudha had come back still shankar always looked grim these days and fact that people and students here have been gossiping about it had not helped at all..but she wanted to break him out of this gloomy mood and tried to be cheerful around him all the time.
"Hmmmm" shankar replied.
Grunts and monosyllable replies had been his response of late .vishali tried to get him to talk to her but he never opened up and when she insisted he just got angry and walked out in a huff. He was not hanging out with any of his other friends either
"atleast he has not started avoiding me yet" vishali sighed internally "what is going to make him to talk..atleast sudha was more communicative these days."
It has become a daily ritual for vishali to go to shankar's place and spend an hour with sudha after college and after the initial week she had started talking a lot to vishali..yesterday they both had even gone briefly to get some lassi and then sudha had insisted on taking a walk in the park..vishali was very excited with that but shankar on the other hand has become more quiet not talking about anything relavent..he has not been attending most of his classes too even though he had come to college regulary..she always had found him sitting alone deep in woods that borders the end of college and most of the times vishali sat there with him trying to get him to talk but he always claimed he was ok..
"iam going to canteen to get some chai..want to come" vishali asked
"ok" shankar replied
Vishali started chattering about the class and fresh year's party that she and swapna were incharge of but shankar just was not paying any attention to her and eventually vishali stopped her monologue and sat down silently in canteen with him sipping her chai.
"shankar iam worried about you" vishali started
"why..iam ok" he replied
"no you are not " something snapped in vishali " if u dont want to talk to me about it say it so but dont lie and say that everything is ok..we have known each practically all our lives i know that things are not ok..what happened was not ok and i want you to react ..."vishali realized that she was screaming and to her horror she felt tears sliding down her cheek but thankfully there were not may people in the canteen and the manager was trying his best to ignore them ..
" i love you and i cant see you like this.." she whispered
"i love you too.." shankar said breaking down " why should all this happen to sudha..why my family??"
"i dont know.." vishali said squeezing shankar's hand and tried to comfort him as he let all his anguish out...
***********************************************************************************
"oh he is so cute..thanks Vishali" sudha exclaimed as she hugged vishali
Vishali had gifted her a small pup and the smile fromr sudha was worth it..vishali felt herself reflecting the good as sudha took the pup on to her lap and started cooing to it and hearing little yaps everyone in the house came to look
"oh nai kutti (puppy)" patti exclaimed
"mine patti vishali got it for me" sudha exclaimed and giggled when the pup licked her hand
Sudha's father and shankar scooted down to take a good look at the dog and in no time every one was playing with it
"enna peru vaikaruku??(what should we name him)" shankar's mom asked excitedly
and that was met with barrage of suggestions from all the family members
"tiger" shankar said
"illai da ithu dorai veetu naai ya ( no it is not a british dog)" patti said " we will call him ganesh"
"enna ma naaiku vinayakaroda perra( what amma you are keeping god's name to dog)" shankar's appa mused "well pora vazikku punniyam( collecting good deeds when we die)" his appa roared with laughter
"i think it is sudha's dog we should let her name it" vishali said quietly...it felt the old days in this house..it has been almost 6 months since sudha had come back and it felt good to see them all happy
" well i have to think on that one" sudha said and started playing with the pup
"you are blessing for this family kannama" shankar's mom said and when vishali turned to look at her there were tears in her eyes " i never thought she will laugh like this again ..."emotions choked her voice
Vishali just hugged his mom and stood watching sudha play with the puppy..
*************************************************************************************
"i am filing for annulment Vishali" sudha replied in a sober voice
"oh..well it is long overdue but why an annulment why not a divorce..may be u can make him pay for his actions" vishali asked her a little heatedly
" i dont want any of his money..i want that part of my life not to exist . i want erase the fact that we were even married ..i feel that will make me free vishali..look at me i wasted almost an year of my life and does that even bother that guy no he is now happily living with that girl..i dont want him to spoil rest of my life because of him..i want to make my parents and my brother happy again and a person who is not happy herself can never make others happy vishali..i want to be happy again ..i feel i will be shackled as a divorcee too becos it means our marriage did not work..but there was no marriage to start with..that is why i want this annulment..
Iam going to make something out of myself do things that make me happy.." sudha said calmly
"sudha if that is what will make you happy then iam happy for you and 100% with you " vishali said squeezing her friend's hand
"i went and talked to Vasantha madam a week back..you know our principal in sankara vidhyalaya and applied for teacher's job there and today morning she called me to let me know that i have been accepted" a triumphant smile graced sudha's face and vishali beamed at her
"wow..u are gonna be a teacher..that is just great " vishali hugged her friend congratulating her
"i know it a small step but it is a start " sudha replied hugging her friend with equal vigour
*************************************************************************************
Five years in to future
Vishali smiled and sprinkled paneer at the people who were entering the temple..welcoming them for the wedding, shankar smiled at her and started walking towards her
" how are you doing..??" he asked her putting an arm around her shoulder
"let me see sudha is getting married to the guy who is love with her...your parents are happy and we have been happily married for an year..yes i would officially say iam doing great and things could not be better" vishali beamed putting her head on his shoulder
"well want to go and see my sister getting married .." shankar asked
smiling arm in arm vishali and shankar walked towards the area of wedding. sudha had met vivek about 2 years back during parents teacher's meeting. he had come as a stand in for his sister and brother in law and was smitten by sudha and rest as they say is history
"if there ever was a kodak moment" vishali thought" this is one " looking around at the proud faces of shankar's parents no my parents too she corrected herself to the happy face of sudha and vivek so much in love with each other .... shankar squeezed her hand and she squeezed his hand back and gave him a small special smile that she gave no one else ...
In a little while the pandit called for " getti melam"( drums) and as vivek started tying the mangal sutra started saying the mantra that would bind two loving souls in the holy bond of matrimony " mangalyam thanuthana nena..mama jeevana hetuna.."
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