Now that i have written the title of the blog..i dont know where to start..hmmmm
20. I was born under the water sign of scorpio and for some absurd reason i feel proud about the fact. :)
19. I love to work out and iam a regular at the university gym..being in a good shape(mentally as well as physically) is very important for me.
18. I love reading science fiction and fantasy books i sometimes imagine myself as a character in to one of those worlds and have a great time day dreaming..i have been known to zone out like quite often during seminars in our department ;)
17. I feel a sense of loss as if a good friend has left me when i complete a good book...
16. i like to sing and dance when iam in a good mood..my living room floor is a witness to that...
15. MY favourite movie right now is the green mile...
14. I was the only girl in my group who did not cry at the end of "titanic"..towards the end i actually rooted for the jack character to die soon..so i can go home..
13. The first time i heard the song " be with you" by enrique..i just fell in love with him ..
12. my favourite colours are black, pink and red..
11. i love to shop especially shoes and sandals...i have a small collection of them with me..
10. I was the captain of my school's Kho Kho team .
9. i love maniratnam movies..Anjali is my favourite..followed by "mouna ragam"
8. i got my first barbie doll when i was 8 and i still have her with me...
7. i love hiking, canoing and kayaking and do that whenever i have time .
6. the best concert i have attended was "euphoria" in IIT-Sarang 2001
5.I believe i can fly is my favourite song...
4. After comming to US tea has become my most fav beverage..( yes i come from a family of coffee drinkers but cant stand it myself).
3. The person who i look up to most is my dad..if i can do half of what he has done i would consider myself to be successful.
2. i can talk for a long time..my longest conservation on the phone was for 9hrs and 32 mins ( thanks to free PCS to PCS from sprint..i did not go bankrupt) and i have made many successful attempts to equal that record..:D
1.I firmly believe that" future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"
now iam on a roll and dont want to stop..but Gi did say only 20 things about me...:D
cheers
jeenu
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
jeenu says...:)
It has been a very hectic month so far for me...with couple of dead lines to meet and collaboraters always behind me to get stuff done yesterday...i hardly had time to do any of the stuff i enjoyed doing..like blogging to name one of the few..but starting today i hope things have settled down a bit and i can get to back to my normal schedule..hehehehe ( surfing and blogging for 12-14 hrs a day...)
so hopefully i will be back here with no stop blogging soon.....
cheers
jeenu
so hopefully i will be back here with no stop blogging soon.....
cheers
jeenu
Friday, December 02, 2005
Nilay days- the end
“ May be that is Nilay..” said Abhay and subha went to open the door and Raja was there at the door with a girl..subha vaguely recognized her as Sindhu…Nilay’s friend from undergrad days ..but she had not seen her around for almost an year..
“hey” said Subha hesitantly..
“can we come in” Sindhu asked her curtly…
Subha moved over and let them both in to the apartment.
“what the hell do u think you are doing..??” sindhu yelled at janvi as soon as she entered the room..
Janvi was so surprised by the outburst from this strange girl she had never met before…
“ hey sindhu ..calm down. will you..” raja said from behind her
“this is sindhu..Nilay’s girlfriend..” raja trailed off…
“ what..” Abhay said gawking at raja ” this time u have stepped way too far..raja”
“no it is not him who has stepped too far..it is this bitch here who has …for the last 10 months my life had been absolute misery because of her..” Sindhu exploded “ things were fine between me and nilay …even though I was not here in school..we were ok..but since the day we walked in..nilay has no time for me.. initially all he could talk to me was janvi this and janvi that and how much compatible he is with her…”
“hey mind your language sindhu” subha responded “ u have something to say ..dont use any profanity..”
“ I don’t understand..” janvi said in a small voice. A small part of her mind was thinking may be this was a prank Nilay was pulling on her..she remembered wat a prankster he is…and she looked up at subha to ask if she knew any of this…
Subha appeared as flabbergasted as her..abhay also had shocked expression on his face…
“ Nilay had not told of her to you has he.”.raja asked“ I did warn u girls to be careful with him..but u girls did not listen to me especially u janvi…I tried my best to keep him away from you..but u will not listen..”
“ hey ..this is none of your business..raja” Abhay said
“well I think sindhu deserved to know the truth and so does janvi..” raja said
“ is it because of your fight with nilay yesterday…u are making a big mistake..” abhay said angrily
“ Who are you..” janvi asked in a very commanding voice..
“let me explain…” raja started..but stopped when janvi stared at him with her cool..angry gaze..
“she is sindhu” subha replied quietly” she was nilay’s friend in undergrad..but she moved out of here after her graduation ..I met her in last year’s garba..before u met nilay…”
“oh” said janvi..remembering Nilay saying something about a good friend he had in undergrad days..”wat the hell is happening here..why did raja say she was nilay’s girl friend..?? is she really..??? “ questions flooded her mind..but janvi tried to maintain an outward calm….” Anger does not solve anything…” she told herself…
she looked at sindhu and asked “ what is your problem with me..???”
“ you are asking me wat is my problem with you..you are the problem…u just barged in between me and nilay …u are the problem and today I want to resolve the problem…everyone her seems to think that you guys are dating now..how dare you..acting like you are his girl friend..” sindhu lunged for janvi and raja caught her hands and controlled her
“ u promised me u will not do that..” raja said in a rough tone “ u said u will control yourself..”
janvi felt very faint..she could not believe wat is happening and part of her did not want to believe what she is hearing..Nilay has never talked about her at all..except mentioning in passing about his friends in undergrad years…but he had not exactly proposed to her either…they were good friends that is wat they told everyone…..but she knew in her heart atleast she considered him to be more than a good friend…she did not want to say it out..but she thought that he also felt the same for her….but now everything is lost everything is changed…
she always felt safe with nilay she trusted him…may be there is some explanation to this….nilay will explain this….thoughts were tumbling through her head at great speed..
she was not aware of wat was happening around her and then suddenly she felt her head snap back and a good deal of stinging on her cheeks..
she looked around dazed to see raja and abhay holding down sindhu and subha holding her..
sindhu had slapped her and that brought her back to the reality..”get out” janvi said in a calm voice” get out of my apartment you too raja and don’t u dare to step in to it again..”
“I think it is better if you leave” abhay said
He showed them both the door..sindhu was sobbing quietly on raja’s shoulder by then and they left the apartment
Janvi sat down hard on the couch as abhay came in to the living room…”hey are u all right..” he asked
Subha gave her a glass of water to drink..
“what is the meaning of this abhay..???” subha blurted out “ did u see the way that girl was behaving..iam sure nilay definitely would not have liked a girl like her…”
“ I don’t know…” Abhay said “ I think I will go and find nilay….and subha don’t open the door If u see that fool raja…”
“ ok…” said subha
“hey janvi..iam sure everything will be fine…don’t worry ok..i will be back with nilay..” Abhay said
“ J I don’t think nilay likes that girl..iam sure..” subha trailed…
“its ok..i think I need to talk to nilay..” janvi said
“ Abhay will get him..” subha said
“I think then I will be in my room for a while..” janvi said
“ ..ok..” subha said…she was wringing her hand not knowing wat to say…
Janvi walked in to her room and lay down on her bed…she the started sobbing.. even though the incident had shaken her..she somewhere deep felt that nilay will make it all right..and she went to sleep…
Someone was knocking on her room’s door..janvi woke up groggily and looked at her bedside clock. she has slept for almost 2 hours she realized and went to open her room’s door..
Abhay and subha were standing outside..
“nilay wont be coming today…” abhay said hesitantly
“why..???” janvi asked.
“ When I went to my apartment. I saw nilay and sindhu having a big fight rite in our lobby…it was mostly sindhu yelling with nilay hanging his head down…that girl has a temper ..grrr ..” Abhay grimaced
“oh” janvi said “ tell me abhay did u know…???”
“ No..i did not know..” abhay said
“I think I like to be alone..now”janvi said and closed her room’s door..
then she started crying..she had not cried that much in her life. she tried telling herself that he never said anything about them being more than friends..but still she felt betrayed...she felt alone..she felt her world falling apart…but she needed to hear it from him…a crazy part of her hoped that he will say it is all a lie…she needed to talk to nilay
She could not talk to nilay that day but the next day he called her and they met in the coffee shop….janvi felt more betrayed after their conversation…and she wanted to walk away from it all..
“Still here iam a week later still brooding about him …”janvi sighed
“It was all because of the stupid email.” She muttered but in her heart she knew whether he had sent that email or not she would have been thinking about him…
She wanted to reread the email again ..so she opened her laptop and logged in to her yahoo account…the account was so full of emails and forwards from Nilay…and ecards…
She opened his email and started reading it
“ hi Janvi
I have been trying to talk to you for last one week but u were not answering your calls..and I tried to come and meet you in person but subha told me you did want to meet me. I wanted to talk to you in person but I guess now I have to send u an email….
I would like to apologize to you in this letter but I also want to explain about things that have happened. You know me and how difficult it is for me to say sorry.. but believe me iam apologizing with all my heart here. I know what I did was very wrong but I did it because I thought I might lose you ..I guess in a way I have lost you now. I think you deserve an explanation
When I came here for undergraduate study from India, I never fitted in to any of the groups here, ABCD’s were not friendly to FOB’ s and most of the FOB’s here were grad students and they were not very friendly with an undergrad…that is how became friendly with sindhu even though she was an ABCD she did her schooling in India and then came over here for undergrad like me..i was alone and I guess she seemed perfect at that time..so when she proposed to me in the second year of undergrad..i said ok..
Her parents lived near the school and they were very conservative..they would not have accepted a north Indian as their son-in-law and so we both decided to keep it under wraps until we were in a financially stable position..
With time I became friends with people here and things started looking up..towards the end of my undergrad I started realizing the there were lot of differences between me and sindhu..she was an introvert and was very possessive of me..she could not even bear the thought of me talking to other girls..and finally after graduation she got a job and moved back in with her parents..but I stayed here to do my masters and things started getting worse between us because now she was not here in person and she wanted to make sure I was not being friendly with any girl…initially I was ok with the possessiveness. but slowly it started getting on my nerves and I started wondering if we are right for each other… she herself broke our agreement and told about me and her to raja and asked him to keep an eye on me..any sane person would have told her that they will not do such a things..but I don’t know wat compelled raja but he decided to help her as he puts it and started telling her everything I did…initially I was not aware of it but slowly as I got friendly with subha and then with you raja started telling her things..most of the times fabricated…in this process there was huge fight between me and sindhu..as I started getting to know you..i realized how compatible we are but I always kept a check on myself because there was sindhu..but more I became friendly with you more I realized how incompatible I was with sindhu…so about couple of weeks back I decided to break off with sindhu .
So I went to Nova last week and talked to her and explained to her my reasons for breaking up..i did not break up with her because of you janvi , I did it because I realized that we both were making each other so unhappy and that is not how anyone is supposed to live..
All hell broke loose after that Raja came to know about it and he started asking me questions. I got furious and threw him out of the apartment..his last words were that he will make sure that you would not even look at me..
So I guess he went and convinced sindhu that you convinced me to break up with her and the unfortunate incident happened..
You have every right to be angry at me..god If I was in you position I would have behaved the same way too..or even worse than that…
I should have told you everything ..initially I did not because I wanted to keep it a secret..but as time went by I did not want to say it because I was afraid to lose you..i just could not take that chance…
Iam sorry about it all..i lost your trust here and I will do anything to regain it back…
I know I have never said it out that I love you..but I know you that I do and I also know that you love me..
You always use to tell me that if you love someone set them free , if they love you then will come back to you..
So iam guilty of betraying your trust..and I know I don’t deserve it but all I need is one more chance to set it all right…but if you decide I don’t deserve it then I will respect you decision. It will break my heart ..but I will respect it. So the decision is yours janvi..and no matter what you decide I will always love you..
Yours
Nilay.”
“I know how difficult it must have been for Nilay to write this email…”janvi thought”..atleast now I know the whole truth of it all from him..he broke my trust in him..but more than that I feel like he did not trust me enough to tell me..he does not deserve to be in my life..i hope he is hurting as iam.. After it has all come out in the open he tell me about it..if only he had told me earlier about this ..may be things would have been different.. he does not deserve to be with me..”
But a part of janvi said “ he made a mistake and he is willing to admit it..should I leave him just because of that..i know he loves me and cares about me…is that not what is important..”
“I got slapped by a girl I did not even know..called all sorts names by her..all because he of him and that raja too….” an angry voice hissed in janvi’s head..
“don’t we all make mistakes..u have your share of mistakes too …may be u might regret breaking up with him…on how many occasions have you yourself thought of him as u r soul mate…even though u thought that there was no one like that..” a voice in her head laughed at that..
“god life is so unfair..” janvi thought..” why cant I just leave all of this and walk away…in TV seriels..people seem to be able to do that and be happy about it too..”
“ am I letting my injured ego decide for me…” thoughts tumbled through her head .
“I do love him…” janvi whispered
A tear trickled down her cheeks and she closed her eyes thinking about the first time she met nilay…...
***********************************************************************
“hey” said Subha hesitantly..
“can we come in” Sindhu asked her curtly…
Subha moved over and let them both in to the apartment.
“what the hell do u think you are doing..??” sindhu yelled at janvi as soon as she entered the room..
Janvi was so surprised by the outburst from this strange girl she had never met before…
“ hey sindhu ..calm down. will you..” raja said from behind her
“this is sindhu..Nilay’s girlfriend..” raja trailed off…
“ what..” Abhay said gawking at raja ” this time u have stepped way too far..raja”
“no it is not him who has stepped too far..it is this bitch here who has …for the last 10 months my life had been absolute misery because of her..” Sindhu exploded “ things were fine between me and nilay …even though I was not here in school..we were ok..but since the day we walked in..nilay has no time for me.. initially all he could talk to me was janvi this and janvi that and how much compatible he is with her…”
“hey mind your language sindhu” subha responded “ u have something to say ..dont use any profanity..”
“ I don’t understand..” janvi said in a small voice. A small part of her mind was thinking may be this was a prank Nilay was pulling on her..she remembered wat a prankster he is…and she looked up at subha to ask if she knew any of this…
Subha appeared as flabbergasted as her..abhay also had shocked expression on his face…
“ Nilay had not told of her to you has he.”.raja asked“ I did warn u girls to be careful with him..but u girls did not listen to me especially u janvi…I tried my best to keep him away from you..but u will not listen..”
“ hey ..this is none of your business..raja” Abhay said
“well I think sindhu deserved to know the truth and so does janvi..” raja said
“ is it because of your fight with nilay yesterday…u are making a big mistake..” abhay said angrily
“ Who are you..” janvi asked in a very commanding voice..
“let me explain…” raja started..but stopped when janvi stared at him with her cool..angry gaze..
“she is sindhu” subha replied quietly” she was nilay’s friend in undergrad..but she moved out of here after her graduation ..I met her in last year’s garba..before u met nilay…”
“oh” said janvi..remembering Nilay saying something about a good friend he had in undergrad days..”wat the hell is happening here..why did raja say she was nilay’s girl friend..?? is she really..??? “ questions flooded her mind..but janvi tried to maintain an outward calm….” Anger does not solve anything…” she told herself…
she looked at sindhu and asked “ what is your problem with me..???”
“ you are asking me wat is my problem with you..you are the problem…u just barged in between me and nilay …u are the problem and today I want to resolve the problem…everyone her seems to think that you guys are dating now..how dare you..acting like you are his girl friend..” sindhu lunged for janvi and raja caught her hands and controlled her
“ u promised me u will not do that..” raja said in a rough tone “ u said u will control yourself..”
janvi felt very faint..she could not believe wat is happening and part of her did not want to believe what she is hearing..Nilay has never talked about her at all..except mentioning in passing about his friends in undergrad years…but he had not exactly proposed to her either…they were good friends that is wat they told everyone…..but she knew in her heart atleast she considered him to be more than a good friend…she did not want to say it out..but she thought that he also felt the same for her….but now everything is lost everything is changed…
she always felt safe with nilay she trusted him…may be there is some explanation to this….nilay will explain this….thoughts were tumbling through her head at great speed..
she was not aware of wat was happening around her and then suddenly she felt her head snap back and a good deal of stinging on her cheeks..
she looked around dazed to see raja and abhay holding down sindhu and subha holding her..
sindhu had slapped her and that brought her back to the reality..”get out” janvi said in a calm voice” get out of my apartment you too raja and don’t u dare to step in to it again..”
“I think it is better if you leave” abhay said
He showed them both the door..sindhu was sobbing quietly on raja’s shoulder by then and they left the apartment
Janvi sat down hard on the couch as abhay came in to the living room…”hey are u all right..” he asked
Subha gave her a glass of water to drink..
“what is the meaning of this abhay..???” subha blurted out “ did u see the way that girl was behaving..iam sure nilay definitely would not have liked a girl like her…”
“ I don’t know…” Abhay said “ I think I will go and find nilay….and subha don’t open the door If u see that fool raja…”
“ ok…” said subha
“hey janvi..iam sure everything will be fine…don’t worry ok..i will be back with nilay..” Abhay said
“ J I don’t think nilay likes that girl..iam sure..” subha trailed…
“its ok..i think I need to talk to nilay..” janvi said
“ Abhay will get him..” subha said
“I think then I will be in my room for a while..” janvi said
“ ..ok..” subha said…she was wringing her hand not knowing wat to say…
Janvi walked in to her room and lay down on her bed…she the started sobbing.. even though the incident had shaken her..she somewhere deep felt that nilay will make it all right..and she went to sleep…
Someone was knocking on her room’s door..janvi woke up groggily and looked at her bedside clock. she has slept for almost 2 hours she realized and went to open her room’s door..
Abhay and subha were standing outside..
“nilay wont be coming today…” abhay said hesitantly
“why..???” janvi asked.
“ When I went to my apartment. I saw nilay and sindhu having a big fight rite in our lobby…it was mostly sindhu yelling with nilay hanging his head down…that girl has a temper ..grrr ..” Abhay grimaced
“oh” janvi said “ tell me abhay did u know…???”
“ No..i did not know..” abhay said
“I think I like to be alone..now”janvi said and closed her room’s door..
then she started crying..she had not cried that much in her life. she tried telling herself that he never said anything about them being more than friends..but still she felt betrayed...she felt alone..she felt her world falling apart…but she needed to hear it from him…a crazy part of her hoped that he will say it is all a lie…she needed to talk to nilay
She could not talk to nilay that day but the next day he called her and they met in the coffee shop….janvi felt more betrayed after their conversation…and she wanted to walk away from it all..
“Still here iam a week later still brooding about him …”janvi sighed
“It was all because of the stupid email.” She muttered but in her heart she knew whether he had sent that email or not she would have been thinking about him…
She wanted to reread the email again ..so she opened her laptop and logged in to her yahoo account…the account was so full of emails and forwards from Nilay…and ecards…
She opened his email and started reading it
“ hi Janvi
I have been trying to talk to you for last one week but u were not answering your calls..and I tried to come and meet you in person but subha told me you did want to meet me. I wanted to talk to you in person but I guess now I have to send u an email….
I would like to apologize to you in this letter but I also want to explain about things that have happened. You know me and how difficult it is for me to say sorry.. but believe me iam apologizing with all my heart here. I know what I did was very wrong but I did it because I thought I might lose you ..I guess in a way I have lost you now. I think you deserve an explanation
When I came here for undergraduate study from India, I never fitted in to any of the groups here, ABCD’s were not friendly to FOB’ s and most of the FOB’s here were grad students and they were not very friendly with an undergrad…that is how became friendly with sindhu even though she was an ABCD she did her schooling in India and then came over here for undergrad like me..i was alone and I guess she seemed perfect at that time..so when she proposed to me in the second year of undergrad..i said ok..
Her parents lived near the school and they were very conservative..they would not have accepted a north Indian as their son-in-law and so we both decided to keep it under wraps until we were in a financially stable position..
With time I became friends with people here and things started looking up..towards the end of my undergrad I started realizing the there were lot of differences between me and sindhu..she was an introvert and was very possessive of me..she could not even bear the thought of me talking to other girls..and finally after graduation she got a job and moved back in with her parents..but I stayed here to do my masters and things started getting worse between us because now she was not here in person and she wanted to make sure I was not being friendly with any girl…initially I was ok with the possessiveness. but slowly it started getting on my nerves and I started wondering if we are right for each other… she herself broke our agreement and told about me and her to raja and asked him to keep an eye on me..any sane person would have told her that they will not do such a things..but I don’t know wat compelled raja but he decided to help her as he puts it and started telling her everything I did…initially I was not aware of it but slowly as I got friendly with subha and then with you raja started telling her things..most of the times fabricated…in this process there was huge fight between me and sindhu..as I started getting to know you..i realized how compatible we are but I always kept a check on myself because there was sindhu..but more I became friendly with you more I realized how incompatible I was with sindhu…so about couple of weeks back I decided to break off with sindhu .
So I went to Nova last week and talked to her and explained to her my reasons for breaking up..i did not break up with her because of you janvi , I did it because I realized that we both were making each other so unhappy and that is not how anyone is supposed to live..
All hell broke loose after that Raja came to know about it and he started asking me questions. I got furious and threw him out of the apartment..his last words were that he will make sure that you would not even look at me..
So I guess he went and convinced sindhu that you convinced me to break up with her and the unfortunate incident happened..
You have every right to be angry at me..god If I was in you position I would have behaved the same way too..or even worse than that…
I should have told you everything ..initially I did not because I wanted to keep it a secret..but as time went by I did not want to say it because I was afraid to lose you..i just could not take that chance…
Iam sorry about it all..i lost your trust here and I will do anything to regain it back…
I know I have never said it out that I love you..but I know you that I do and I also know that you love me..
You always use to tell me that if you love someone set them free , if they love you then will come back to you..
So iam guilty of betraying your trust..and I know I don’t deserve it but all I need is one more chance to set it all right…but if you decide I don’t deserve it then I will respect you decision. It will break my heart ..but I will respect it. So the decision is yours janvi..and no matter what you decide I will always love you..
Yours
Nilay.”
“I know how difficult it must have been for Nilay to write this email…”janvi thought”..atleast now I know the whole truth of it all from him..he broke my trust in him..but more than that I feel like he did not trust me enough to tell me..he does not deserve to be in my life..i hope he is hurting as iam.. After it has all come out in the open he tell me about it..if only he had told me earlier about this ..may be things would have been different.. he does not deserve to be with me..”
But a part of janvi said “ he made a mistake and he is willing to admit it..should I leave him just because of that..i know he loves me and cares about me…is that not what is important..”
“I got slapped by a girl I did not even know..called all sorts names by her..all because he of him and that raja too….” an angry voice hissed in janvi’s head..
“don’t we all make mistakes..u have your share of mistakes too …may be u might regret breaking up with him…on how many occasions have you yourself thought of him as u r soul mate…even though u thought that there was no one like that..” a voice in her head laughed at that..
“god life is so unfair..” janvi thought..” why cant I just leave all of this and walk away…in TV seriels..people seem to be able to do that and be happy about it too..”
“ am I letting my injured ego decide for me…” thoughts tumbled through her head .
“I do love him…” janvi whispered
A tear trickled down her cheeks and she closed her eyes thinking about the first time she met nilay…...
***********************************************************************
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Nilay days-5
Janvi smiled to herself as she sipped her chai..Thinking about the first time they went to downtown together always made her smile. As Nilay had said they became great friends. janvi smiled as memories of different things that they did together flashed in her mind..hiking, canoeing, playing badminton.. and now she has to decide...tears started trickling down janvi's eyes ..she wiped them away defiantly and thought to herself " i seem to be crying a lot these days..i cant even believe iam crying sitting in the coffee shop...wat is wrong with me.."
Anger seemed to resurface in her as she ground her teeth and said to herself" no one who will make you cry is worth it.." but again she started thinking” but wat about the person who made u smile...wat about all the good times u had with them..dont they amount to anything.?"
The memory of her dancing with nilay for the india day program came to her mind..with it all the fun they had together putting the dance together also floated in to her mind .....
"did he really care about me..??" the question popped in her mind suddenly and as soon as it did, memories of nilay cooking kitchadi for her when she was sick came in to mind..of him walking in cold for 20 mins to get her medicine , of him just pampering her like a baby when she had fever...of how he met even some of her unreasonable demands...came to her mind.."yes he cared for me.. why am i talking in past tense..i know he cares about me even now..." janvi said to herself.
"God why is life so full of difficult choices...."
"well i dont know dearie..but i can def give u a refill on your chai.." Gail said..janvi jumped as gail started talking she had not realized that she had said the last sentence aloud...
"thanks...appreciate that" janvi tried to smile ..but the cheerfulness she usually exuded was not there today.
"are u feeling well ???" gail asked" never seen u this quiet or alone for that matter.. your friend not joining you today??"
Times she and Nilay had spent talking in the same coffee shop flooded her mind..
"no ...he is busy..i think" janvi replied….
"ok girlie...let me get u another cup of chai.." gail replied
"thanks..gail"
Janvi thought about the last time they met at the coffee shop....
"hey" Nilay said..he looked like he had not slept for days and he had a week’s worth of stubble on his face
"hey" janvi replied..waiting for him say more..she was all composed outside but inside a war was raging inside. a part of her wanted to just let go of all this facade and cry to him..ask him to explain all that stuff that had happened...but a part of her wanted to tear him apart and hurt him as much as he had hurt her..
"how are you..?'' nilay asked
"wat do u think..after all that has happened..wat do u expect me to say..." janvi replied..it came out so coldly....i need to be calm..i need for him to explain it to me...i need to give him a fair chance to explain himself..she told herself.
"wat is happening Nilay..is that all true??..i thought we were good friends....." janvi trailed off
" we are good friends..more than good friends......." nilay said" i did not want any of this to happen...i did not mean it to happen.. u mean a lot to me...iam sorry.."
"where does this leave us..." janvi asked him..she was feeling so numb..
"i dont know....i dont want to lose you..." nilay whispered..
"i guess then the decision is in my hands..then..." janvi said " u have to tell me..is it all true..watever she and raja said???"
"yes...but believe me i did not want to hurt you..u have to understand that...i never wanted to hurt you..and i did not want to lose you either....i know i should have been the one to tell you" Nilay could not bear to look at janvi
Tears trickled down janvi's eyes.." then i guess ..there is nothing left to say anymore....i have to go now...bye" janvi got up and left...
"It has been almost a week since that day" janvi thought sipping from her fresh cup of chai..." we were so happy together...why did things have to change now...i know he cares.."
Her mind turned to the day when things changed...
She and subha were sitting in her apartment watching "finding Nemo" it was their favorite movie ..
"i just love Dory's character.." subha giggled..
"i just adore this whole concept.." janvi also smiled with her " may be coming Halloween u can dress as dory the fish...."
Subha sticked out her tongue and said " Fat chance.."
There was knock on the door and subha jumped up " that must be Abhay..i told him i was watching " finding nemo" and he said he wanted to watch too....so i invited him is that ok..."
"its ok yaar..anyways he is after all my extended roomie.." janvi smiled mischeviously...
Subha Blushed and went to open the door and let abhay in
" hey extended roomie.." said janvi
Subha made a face from behind abhay's back
"hey J" abhay said " thought Nilay janaab will be here...now iam all alone..."
"well we dont eat guys.." janvi replied " especially ones who wears glasses. bad for our health.." and both the girls burst out giggling..
Abhay rolled his eyes and flopped on the couch.
" so wat do u girls have for snack.." abhay asked
" well we just finished chips and salsa...." subha replied " but we have some salted peanuts..do u want some.."
"okie" abhay visibly perked up ...
" so have you girls seen raja.." abhay asked
"wat do u think.." janvi replied
" i know you girls can’t tolerate that guy and sometimes i can’t too..anyways yesterday there was a big fight between raja and nilay and we have not seen that guy since then…. " Abhay said
" wat" both subha and janvi said simultaneously..
" yeah..i dont know wat was that about but i have never seen Nilay this furious... he just threw Raja out of our apartment and in choicest words told him to stay out of his personal life..." Abhay said
" well it is about time" said subha.." did u know that guy came over to our place once and was staying stuff like U girls should be careful of nilay.."
" Nilay did not tell me anything about the fight..." janvi mused to herself…
Right then there was a knock on their apartment door ......
Anger seemed to resurface in her as she ground her teeth and said to herself" no one who will make you cry is worth it.." but again she started thinking” but wat about the person who made u smile...wat about all the good times u had with them..dont they amount to anything.?"
The memory of her dancing with nilay for the india day program came to her mind..with it all the fun they had together putting the dance together also floated in to her mind .....
"did he really care about me..??" the question popped in her mind suddenly and as soon as it did, memories of nilay cooking kitchadi for her when she was sick came in to mind..of him walking in cold for 20 mins to get her medicine , of him just pampering her like a baby when she had fever...of how he met even some of her unreasonable demands...came to her mind.."yes he cared for me.. why am i talking in past tense..i know he cares about me even now..." janvi said to herself.
"God why is life so full of difficult choices...."
"well i dont know dearie..but i can def give u a refill on your chai.." Gail said..janvi jumped as gail started talking she had not realized that she had said the last sentence aloud...
"thanks...appreciate that" janvi tried to smile ..but the cheerfulness she usually exuded was not there today.
"are u feeling well ???" gail asked" never seen u this quiet or alone for that matter.. your friend not joining you today??"
Times she and Nilay had spent talking in the same coffee shop flooded her mind..
"no ...he is busy..i think" janvi replied….
"ok girlie...let me get u another cup of chai.." gail replied
"thanks..gail"
Janvi thought about the last time they met at the coffee shop....
"hey" Nilay said..he looked like he had not slept for days and he had a week’s worth of stubble on his face
"hey" janvi replied..waiting for him say more..she was all composed outside but inside a war was raging inside. a part of her wanted to just let go of all this facade and cry to him..ask him to explain all that stuff that had happened...but a part of her wanted to tear him apart and hurt him as much as he had hurt her..
"how are you..?'' nilay asked
"wat do u think..after all that has happened..wat do u expect me to say..." janvi replied..it came out so coldly....i need to be calm..i need for him to explain it to me...i need to give him a fair chance to explain himself..she told herself.
"wat is happening Nilay..is that all true??..i thought we were good friends....." janvi trailed off
" we are good friends..more than good friends......." nilay said" i did not want any of this to happen...i did not mean it to happen.. u mean a lot to me...iam sorry.."
"where does this leave us..." janvi asked him..she was feeling so numb..
"i dont know....i dont want to lose you..." nilay whispered..
"i guess then the decision is in my hands..then..." janvi said " u have to tell me..is it all true..watever she and raja said???"
"yes...but believe me i did not want to hurt you..u have to understand that...i never wanted to hurt you..and i did not want to lose you either....i know i should have been the one to tell you" Nilay could not bear to look at janvi
Tears trickled down janvi's eyes.." then i guess ..there is nothing left to say anymore....i have to go now...bye" janvi got up and left...
"It has been almost a week since that day" janvi thought sipping from her fresh cup of chai..." we were so happy together...why did things have to change now...i know he cares.."
Her mind turned to the day when things changed...
She and subha were sitting in her apartment watching "finding Nemo" it was their favorite movie ..
"i just love Dory's character.." subha giggled..
"i just adore this whole concept.." janvi also smiled with her " may be coming Halloween u can dress as dory the fish...."
Subha sticked out her tongue and said " Fat chance.."
There was knock on the door and subha jumped up " that must be Abhay..i told him i was watching " finding nemo" and he said he wanted to watch too....so i invited him is that ok..."
"its ok yaar..anyways he is after all my extended roomie.." janvi smiled mischeviously...
Subha Blushed and went to open the door and let abhay in
" hey extended roomie.." said janvi
Subha made a face from behind abhay's back
"hey J" abhay said " thought Nilay janaab will be here...now iam all alone..."
"well we dont eat guys.." janvi replied " especially ones who wears glasses. bad for our health.." and both the girls burst out giggling..
Abhay rolled his eyes and flopped on the couch.
" so wat do u girls have for snack.." abhay asked
" well we just finished chips and salsa...." subha replied " but we have some salted peanuts..do u want some.."
"okie" abhay visibly perked up ...
" so have you girls seen raja.." abhay asked
"wat do u think.." janvi replied
" i know you girls can’t tolerate that guy and sometimes i can’t too..anyways yesterday there was a big fight between raja and nilay and we have not seen that guy since then…. " Abhay said
" wat" both subha and janvi said simultaneously..
" yeah..i dont know wat was that about but i have never seen Nilay this furious... he just threw Raja out of our apartment and in choicest words told him to stay out of his personal life..." Abhay said
" well it is about time" said subha.." did u know that guy came over to our place once and was staying stuff like U girls should be careful of nilay.."
" Nilay did not tell me anything about the fight..." janvi mused to herself…
Right then there was a knock on their apartment door ......
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